I just attended a deeply transformational 5 day workshop that I understood to be all about Contact Dance…currently the activity I am most passionate about. It turned out to be more about setting limits and pushing boundaries often labeled as taboo…which was one of the most healing things I have ever experienced.
One of the classes I attended took the kink related play theme of dom/sub (where one person dominates and the other is submissive) and experimented with how to apply that in contact dance. It was enlightening to understand how these games actually work…it is not a matter of the dom simply acting out any desire they want. In fact there is a very clear conversation before the games begin (when it is respectful and mutual kink) that lays the ground rules of what can and cannot be touched, how and a special word that clearly indicates to stop immediately. So in the end the sub, although seemingly the one on the receiving end with no power, is in fact the one holding the ultimate power.
The concepts of ‘giving back’, being a giver rather than a taker are palpable in our society. I realized recently that for many years I felt like a burden – on other people and on the Universe in general. I always felt an underlying current of pressure to return a favor and felt exceedingly uncomfortable when I believed others were giving me things I could not give back (particularly in my case money/material things). This new context of playing within set boundaries has made me understand that I felt unsafe within my space because I didn’t understand that I have the right and ability to set and voice my limits…I realized that I did not trust myself…and that meant I did not trust the Universe!
I have been struggling for several years now trying to decipher if the Universe works through humans surrendering to what is or through manifesting what they truly desire. I now realize how intertwined this question is with being capable of giving and receiving openly, with no expectations of yourself or others.
Core Considerations about Giving & Receiving/Manifesting & Surrendering:
∞ With clear boundaries I can trust that in receiving I will not have to give more than I want to, that in giving I choose how and how much. Defining both my desires and my boundaries creates clarity and trust in all relationships!
∞ It takes an open heart to give and receive.
∞ Absolutely everything I do is an intricate dance with my environs. Every breath, thought and movement is an exchange. Every word, facial expression and attachment is a reflection of both my internal and external landscape.
∞ Giving/Receiving is not a direct exchange but rather an infinite spiraling loop – I may pass on valuable knowledge to someone that needs it with the simple hope that they do the same later on. My parents may give me economic support and then I pass that on to my children or others in need later in life.
∞ Manifesting and surrendering are not mutually exclusive… they are an infinitely unfolding dance and as I trust my partner (God/The Universe) more every day we both become more comfortable in trading roles… when I am in manifestation mode I can increase or decrease the ease/tension equation. If every step I try to take is thwarted, I can take a step back, expand my vision to the bigger picture and surrender to be guided in a new direction with the understanding that what I want to manifest may actually be more powerfully represented in a different form than I had imagined. When I am in surrender mode, I recognize that I always have the power to say STOP and choose to focus with more initiative.
∞ There is nothing more powerful than APPRECIATION. Perhaps the most amazing thing you can ‘give back’ to a favor is a smile or genuine gratitude with absolutely no necessity to return to that same person something of equal or greater value.
∞ Keeping a ‘score card’ with those you give to or from whom you receive something is a matter of CONTROL. If I control what and to whom I am giving, I control the benefits I receive from that giving and how much Universal input I allow to flow through me. If I control how much and what I receive, I only allow what I believe I am worthy of receiving.
∞ When you are in the optimal state known as FLOW you are capable of doing, receiving and understanding things you never would in a normal state. People who participate in extreme sports become superhuman, writers receive downloads that turn into incredibly inspirational works, artists and musicians create masterpieces that have no precedent. In this state it is well documented that people lose the concept of self, in other words they find a connectedness with the space around them that obviates the need to define themselves as an individual, which also elevates them to a place of ease. In this state concepts of give and take, manifest and surrender fall away completely and you merge into the consciousness that spiraling energy simply is and creation simply happens with no need to define the ORIGINATION vs the DESTINATION.
How would you move differently through space if you believed that everything around you is offering a supportive milieu in which to live? How would you behave differently if you trusted that you always have the power to define and reorganize the boundaries of this game we call life?