This morning in meditation I realized that I have denied my “positive qualities” (joy, love, peace, intelligence, etc) and tried to push away my “negative qualities” (fear, anger, jealousy, guilt, etc) for most of my life. But then the question came, then WHO AM I? I realized that I actually have more trouble accepting my “positive qualities” than my negative qualities, which seemed totally counterintuitive.
Take the quiz below to find out how whole you are and if you feel empty, sad, and aimless partially because you deny who you truly are. Check your answers below (don’t peek ahead of time).
What is your jerk reaction when you feel fear?
Retreat within yourself and close up like a clam
Scream out loud
Deny that you are afraid and use positive affirmations to assure yourself that everything will be ok.
How does your body react when you feel anger?
Tense and stressed
I don’t remember
Like I want to run away and go anywhere but in my body at that moment
What normally happens when you let go for even a second and feel pure joy?
What’s that?
I get anxious and withdraw into my mature adult self
I get nervous it’s going to end and try to hold onto it
What goes through your mind when you feel jealous?
I’ll never be as good as him/her at that?
He/she is so lucky, how can I increase my luck?
Why am I jealous of that/her/etc?
When someone compliments you or describes you to others as being incredibly intelligent, beautiful, skilled, etc, what do you say?
Oh your biased because your family, my boyfriend, etc
Thank you
Oh not really, it just seems that way.
ANSWERS
What is your jerk reaction when you feel fear?
Retreat within yourself and close up like a clam [If you chose this response you likely grew up in an atmosphere where feelings were prohibited. The next time you feel afraid. Try sitting with it, exploring it.]
Scream out loud [Perhaps this is the most honest and open way to deal with fear – it would be wonderful if we could express this emotion in the moment and then let it go.]
*Deny that you are afraid and use positive affirmations to assure yourself that everything will be ok. [Many people believe fear is weakness and thus choose to focus on positive images and thoughts when fear arises. This may work to a certain extent to progress in life and take leaps of faith that allow for your evolution. However, it banishes a part of you that is simply seeking recognition and integration]
How does your body react when you feel anger?
Tense and stressed [Notice whether you live most of your life holding your body in this way. Stress manifests as physical and mental illness. As the tension arises, notice it in your body and become curious about it. Find ways to diminish anger and stress that work for you (yoga, meditation, walks in nature, etc) while consciously acknowledging how you feel.]
I don’t know/remember [Start paying attention to your physical reactions to emotions and if you feel inspired to do so, take a mindfulness training. When you totally ignore your emotions you go through life focusing on only your mental awareness and deny the many other layers of the self – body, spirit, soul]
*Like I want to run away and go anywhere but in my body at that moment [When you are uncomfortable with emotions you often want to run away and/or suppress it when a strong emotion surges forth. Try to sit with it and notice whether it’s actually as terrible as you tell yourself it is.]
What normally happens when you let go for even a second and feel pure joy?
What’s that? [As doubt, worry, fear piles up as an adult, it is common to forget that our true nature is happiness. Try taking 5 minutes every day to do something that makes you feel passionate, motivated, like a little kid again (play) and slowly build up the time you dedicate to this.]
*I get anxious/uncertain and return quickly into my mature adult self [As you confine your self-perception within the box of ‘being an adult’ you define pure joy as something for children or those who have a cushy situation in life while you don’t have time because you have things to get done. Start experimenting with letting go of control and planning every second of your day. Open to the possibility to let pure joy flow abundantly into your daily experience of life]
I get nervous it’s going to end and try to hold onto it [Understand that everything in this 3 dimensional world is temporary. If you practice being fully present in the moment fear arises that any given experience or moment will end, it will be replaced with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the amazing world in front of you NOW.
What goes through your mind when you feel jealous?
I’ll never be as good as him/her at that? [Comparing ourselves to others is like an oak tree comparing itself to a blackberry bush – you have/are everything you need to be right now to fulfill your purpose on this earth. You can transform with will, yes but you will still be you. There are many practices that exist to discover your purpose … start reading if you’re interested!]
He/she is so lucky, how can I increase my luck? [Life is not about luck. If you choose to change your situation in life you have to change your thoughts, words, and actions to coincide with the vibration of what you want to achieve]
*Why am I jealous of that/her/etc? I am a spiritual person and have no logical reason to be jealous. [When you question why emotions arise at any given moment you question who you are with your mind rather than being in the present moment and fully accepting your experience. By analyzing emotions on a logical level you ignore this highly important guidance system and what it can show you.]
When someone compliments you or describes you to others as being incredibly intelligent, beautiful, skilled, etc, what do you say?
*Oh your biased because your family, my boyfriend, etc [Your loved ones are attracted to you and love you for many reasons. They truly believe you are intelligent, beautiful, and skilled. If you see yourself through their eyes you would be amazed at who you are!]
Thank you [This is a humble way to respond that accepts that the person truly perceives you in that light and that you do truly have that trait.]
*Oh not really, it just seems that way. [Denying your skills, denies who you truly are. When you are good at something, have a natural trait, own it and cultivate it – it likely will lead you to fulfill your soul’s true purpose.]
*If you responded to more than one of the questions with the answer marked with an asterisk you have likely expulsed one or more of the MANY YOU’S and are living only a partial life. Often people deny or leave parts of the self in the past as traumatic events occur because they don’t know how to integrate that self into the SELF. Thus, little by little you are erasing pieces of yourself. As you grow older and continue pushing aside aspects you don’t like, are told/required to suppress, and simply don’t acknowledge anymore because your adult self is too busy, you become less, weaker, divided. There is no such thing as positive and negative qualities – those are definitions that humans have placed on emotions that exist to guide us through our life in this 3-dimensional world. YOU have a choice as a conscious person to call back all of who you are and begin living a full life that attracts abundance, accepts your purpose in this world and knows on a deep level that you are WHOLE.
Rumi’s Poem The House Guest is a great invitation of how to treat every emotion that appears in daily life!!! Find it here: http://www.gratefulness.org/poetry/guest_house.htm
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