I struggled with yeast infections from the time I was 7 years old. I remember when my mom put that cold cream on my vulva. It always made me feel like I had to pee but I wasn’t supposed to because then I’d wipe the cream off. When I became sexually active as a teenager, they got much worse and appeared more frequently. Into my 20’s I tried everything under the sun – changing my diet, wearing white cotton underwear, changing to a milder soap, putting garlic cloves or yogurt or probiotic capsules in my vagina, washing my underwear by hand, taking oral probiotics, using condoms during sex…or not. The exasperation was overwhelming. The red itchy sensations and sticky white discharge were mild compared to my agitation and questioning if I’d ever be able to have sex without worrying I’d get an infection within a few days and then have to abstain for weeks from this particular kind of pleasure. I had a sense that the root was energetic. So, I began seeing energy workers and doing ovarian breathwork to move whatever was stuck…still hung up on needing to fix this awful problem. Once a holistic gynecologist did a test and told me I had no energy flowing to my gentials! WTF…I am a very erotic being! What is blocking me from sexual freedom and a free flow of erotic energy through my whole body? So I tried a Chinese Medicine herbal wash and pelvic steaming, which helped me manage the symptoms but did not prevent infections…so I made peace with the belief that I’d live the rest of my life with this issue.
Finally, from a place of surrender I’ve never felt before, something slackened. A shift in will occurred that seemed subtle in the moment but whose reverberating results I couldn’t possibly have prepared for. I stopped making decisions based on traditional or common knowledge and am open on a cellular level to receive guidance. Even though I’d been talking about listening to the body and what it authentically desires and noticing the results of decisions you make around diet, exercise, etc, it had remained primarily in the realm of theory until I actually let go. I began communicating with guidance – angels, archangels, microbes, masters, ascendant masters, cellular fairies, goddesses… offering gratitude and humbly asking for clarity and discernment. Until then I still wanted to hold onto control. I didn’t want my life to be too messy or complicated, which was a hilarious contradiction to choosing a Tantric path! Once I began to attune to the subtler cues of what my whole being is actually resonating with right now – food, movement, people, places, etc. – I could feel a difference in the tone of everything. Certain things resonate with the tone of what I need at this moment and others don’t. Some things that resonate right now will not in 2 hours or maybe ever again…it is indeed a surrender to be with what is exactly as it is right now.
And, this is erotic self love...an approach to life where I listen to the erotic energy in my system (now including an innumerable amount of etheric beings combined with a kinesthetic sense of tones) and how it responds to the myriad of possibilities of how to explore this experience of being human. The more I cultivate the willingness to meet what is right now, the more love and life force energy flow...including my field in the pathways receptive to dance with divine currents.
Listening to the cues right now, I am choosing to devote February to cultivating a completely new relationship with my yonih through touch, adoration and attentiveness.
Finally, from a place of surrender I’ve never felt before, something slackened. A shift in will occurred that seemed subtle in the moment but whose reverberating results I couldn’t possibly have prepared for. I stopped making decisions based on traditional or common knowledge and am open on a cellular level to receive guidance. Even though I’d been talking about listening to the body and what it authentically desires and noticing the results of decisions you make around diet, exercise, etc, it had remained primarily in the realm of theory until I actually let go. I began communicating with guidance – angels, archangels, microbes, masters, ascendant masters, cellular fairies, goddesses… offering gratitude and humbly asking for clarity and discernment. Until then I still wanted to hold onto control. I didn’t want my life to be too messy or complicated, which was a hilarious contradiction to choosing a Tantric path! Once I began to attune to the subtler cues of what my whole being is actually resonating with right now – food, movement, people, places, etc. – I could feel a difference in the tone of everything. Certain things resonate with the tone of what I need at this moment and others don’t. Some things that resonate right now will not in 2 hours or maybe ever again…it is indeed a surrender to be with what is exactly as it is right now.
And, this is erotic self love...an approach to life where I listen to the erotic energy in my system (now including an innumerable amount of etheric beings combined with a kinesthetic sense of tones) and how it responds to the myriad of possibilities of how to explore this experience of being human. The more I cultivate the willingness to meet what is right now, the more love and life force energy flow...including my field in the pathways receptive to dance with divine currents.
Listening to the cues right now, I am choosing to devote February to cultivating a completely new relationship with my yonih through touch, adoration and attentiveness.
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