Curiosities & Reflections

Comfort and Pleasure

6/11/2025

I have to feel safe enough
And comfortable enough to expand
Is that true?
When does the tipping point of curiosity and pleasure invite us to leave our comfort zone?
Does growth occur flanked by security?
Or is there some other mechanism altogether driving transformation?
What of desire…
How does it burn within you,
Invoking actions you don’t even see the end to
And what of how the entire web is in a constant dance of reconfiguration
Where what was a YES can become a NO in an instant
And a NO can subtly shift into a magnetizing YES…
Without your conscious consent
Do you listen, dear one?
To the dance between the beckoning and the emergence
In this multiverse comfort is mute
Because everything is full of emptiness
And, paradoxically in the focal point of your youness
Is safety a requirement
To leap off the cliff?
Or only a façade you haven’t yet dissolved…
Does the experience of pleasure entice or repulse you?
In the rejection of desire you may find yourself estranged from the very life force that animates you
And when you close the doors to pleasure you may very well be denying
the ebb and flow
expansion and contraction
ascension and descent
that is the elixir of consciousness asking,
How can I be human?

Is This Ok?

14/7/2025

Looking around
each time I did something on the edge of what I learned is acceptable
asking myself
and then perhaps asking someone else
Is this ok??
Is this part of me
My playful, sensual self allowed?
Is this part of me
My angry at God self allowed?
Is this part of me
My grieving for the collective atrocities self allowed?
Is this part of me
My empowered divine feminine self allowed?

And then the inevitable follow-up
Why wouldn’t it be ok?
And the answer wasn’t
because I’ll be kicked out of the tribe
Or I’ll die
Rather, what emerged was even scarier
It just feels too hard
and like I have to overcome too many barriers
To be fully authentic
So now the question has become
Am I willing to be present with
And meet with Love
Any of the possible reactions
Internal and external
To living life
Fully surrendered
Fully devoted to the larger mystery
Of what wants to be birthed through me?

No Apologies

23/6/2025

I’m sorry I’m exhausted and I can’t do what you’re asking.
Thank you, your no is a gift.
I feel so full heartedly that I’d love to offer you loving touch where you’re in pain.
Thank you for your fuck yes.
I was a yes when you first asked but now that my body feels yours in this way, I’m contracted and terrified to pull away.
Thank you, your no is a gift.

My lip is quivering and my whole body is aroused imagining dancing with you in this way, even the tone of your voice in the proposal pushes all of my pleasure buttons.
Thank you for your fuck yes.
I really want to be able to support you right now. The truth is I need to cocoon and extend that generosity to myself.
Thank you, your no is a gift.
Arriving
In a place
Where full-bodied yeses and no’s
Are revered
Is the creation of a culture
Where authentic pleasure and intimate relationship can blossom
Each of us can choose…
Can I?
Am I willing?
To be with
The discomfort that arises when I hear a no I really want to be a yes
Or the writhing in my body as the armor comes alive to resist saying fuck yes to what truly turns me on to life
Offer spaciousness, dear one
To your heart
As you discern
Between your bodily yeses and no’s
It just might transform your entire life

Erotic Somatic Practice

19/6/2025

People practice sports, martial arts, cooking and go to therapy regularly. However, it is not very common to hear anyone speak about an erotic practice…which can be a portal to knowing yourself.
Perhaps what makes this even less accessible for many people is that it’s different every time. Every day your mood, physical strength, energy level and time constraints are variable. And yet, creating a devotion to being with your erotic nature regularly immensely enhances your life force energy, adaptability and ability to buffer daily discomforts. It also has the ability to alchemize shame, addictive behaviors and other darker aspects of your sexuality that may be preventing you from feeling authentic pleasure.

This morning, this was my practice. Arriving at the beach cranky and exhausted I didn’t think I had any interest or energy for dropping in erotically.
I went to a rock outcropping where I go when the beaches are full with people. I crawled across the tactile seaweed that was exposed due to low tide. As I immersed my body, the water felt colder than I anticipated. Upon going under completely the nerves in my skin awakened intensely – somewhere between pleasure and pain. Moans and yelps simply began escaping my lips – I was isolated with no one to see or hear me. Waves began coming in and crashing me gently against the rocks, with seaweed and bubbles tickling me. After a few minutes of this I decided to just let sounds really emerge, joining my already deep breath that was keeping me present with the heightened sensations. Then my spine began undulating with the movement of the water.
Breath, sound and movement – the 3 elements most important in somatic, and particularly erotic explorations. These three things can evoke pleasure even in moments when you feel life a bit lackluster. I cautiously crawled back up onto a hot rock and laid in the hot sun savoring the peaceful satisfaction I felt in my body, noticing the cold and warm mingle.
All you need for an erotic somatic practice is curiosity, willingness to meet your edges of discomfort, an awareness of what brings you authentic pleasure (this is actually not a precursor but more a part of the whole experience…giving yourself permission and patience in discovering the difference between contrived and authentic pleasure) and an eagerness to savor the feelings evoked in your practice.
You can do this with your favorite music playing, while hanging in a tree, or in your cozy bed. The intention is to become attuned to the subtle cues notifying you that you're feeling authentic pleasure and deeply honoring and nurturing that. In the greater scheme of things, it may be one of the most potent things you can do to serve the world…light your heart and body ablaze with Eros and enthusiasm to lean into what fosters aliveness, joy, generosity, peace and love.

What is Power?

5/5/2025

Power is the ability to transform, alchemize, create, heal. In the etheric realms dwells potential. A person attuned to both the world of form and formless has the capacity to reorient particles and energy. Through that connection we are receptive to cosmic impulses that move us to experience life from our individual focal point and birth new possibilities.
Power is related to your physical strength and health. Not so that you can aggressively force your will…rather so you’re able to hold, move and channel the immense amount of energy required to receive intuitive guidance and act in the world from and with Love. Power never controls others and in that serves as a model of how to authentically move with presence. Empowerment is an enhancement of your spectrum of self-reflection, self-transformation and collaboration with etheric beings and other humans while remaining grounded in humility and gratitude.

Power is surrendering your unique personality and inviting your authentic essence to dance, morph, dream and create without attachment to results or a comfortable experience. In accessing power, your comfort zone will be constantly reconfigured and you’ll be invited to release all habits that are not necessary for your most basic functioning in devotion to spontaneity {a dear friend of power}.
There are many pathways to foster power. Often the process involves calming the chatty conditioned mind, being present and attentive in your physical body and senses and listening on an ever subtler level. Eventually your physical senses fall into the background as you attune to dynamic stillness. Dynamic stillness is a state of enfleshment – where innocent, transpersonal, divine love infuses all the particles in your field and your words and actions resonate with divine grace, love and presence.
This is what is referred to when speaking about listening to your soul, seeing with your third eye, having a felt sense of the energy in a room or another person and intuition – these are all senses beyond the directly physical. These senses are conscious of the interwoven levels transitioning between formless and form.
The age old sayings “as above, so below” or “as within, so without” are a recognition of the ability to transform your inner landscape and consciously see how that shifts your perception of the world. Discerning the true origin of manifest reality recognizes the infinite potency that I may make matter.

Surrender in Motion

19/4/2025

Surrender in motion is connecting with authentic beingness and allowing that to move you – no forcing, no resisting.

Forget trying to be good, trying to be better, trying to be healthier. All of that striving is what has been causing the disconnection from our source energy. Ambition to achieve something in particular distracts us from being present with what is right now. We can hold goals and desires with a soft hand in the understanding that what we think we’re creating and what we believe that’s leading us to may be far from our actual experience. We may simply need to take this particular turn to connect us to something distinct, something far more intriguing and expansive than our projections.
To practice being in the flow of your essence, there is a movement that may be referred to as improvisational. Other similar practices include Latihan, Katsugen Undo and Authentic Movement. This practice requires a profound letting go of patterns and a willingness to be curious enough to be moved. This implies an intimate and erotic connection to the essence of being. There are many ways to drop into this practice. I recommend doing it without music but if you’re having trouble music may facilitate your practice in the beginning. The foundation is releasing control and resistance. Begin by sitting and getting quiet – creating the conditions for a meditative state to arise is key. Become more attentive to your senses – either one at a time or as you advance more you may be able to attend to them simultaneously. This redirects your nervous system to receive. Once you feel overall relaxed, create sacred space for your practice. This may be through an intention something like – I am ready to surrender my attachments to needing to have a specific experience. I invoke assistance from all levels of my being to be moved by my authentic essence.
And let go…
Allow movement to emerge…
If it doesn’t happen immediately, be patient. If it doesn’t happen for quite a while, maybe stillness is what your body needs right now. Sometimes beginning by offering a nudge to the body with micromovements that feel genuinely pleasurable may help you release into the movements emerging from deep within you.
I am constantly blown away by the ways my body moves – ways that are subtle and slow, ways that I could not possibly repeat when moving my body, ways that release soreness and holding patterns I’d never tried before.
This practice invokes an altered mental state. Be kind to yourself and leave a little time after your practice to integrate before transitioning into your day.

The Inner Thaw

12/3/2025

When inertial patterns become the primary pathways in our system, our ground fluid (the foundational fluid of the body), becomes gelled. Can you take a moment to drop into a felt sense of gel (like jello) in between all the structures in your body?
When we begin to make different decisions and surrender to what is as it is, a thaw occurs.

It’s common to want this thaw to happen quickly, for spring and all its abundant beauty to instantaneously transform our inner landscape into flowing rivers of pleasure and joy. If we look at nature though, we’ll notice that it’s a process. I’ve been paying more attention this year to how long it takes, even after temps rise above freezing, for the snow and ice to melt. And then, a re-freezing easily follows.
Internally, this is a process of courageously facing the beliefs, movement patterns, paradigms and choices that may have protected us in the past and have now reached a tipping point. That point is an interface between our subconscious and conscious. Once a habit that’s been frozen and inaccessible begins to poke its head out into the sunshine, we can sense it and engage with it.
This may spark all kinds of feelings – anger, shame, frustration, grief, overwhelm, etc. If these overtake your system, you may push the habit back into hiding, which may be a sign you’re not quite ready to be present with it. Meet that too with tenderness.
One way to engage with patterns becoming conscious is to find spaciousness and feel them in your body. The body communicates constantly between all of its parts and if you listen attentively, she will communicate to your awareness. This is where it’s often helpful to have someone hold space for it. I used to believe that if I had a strong enough dedication to finding patterns, I could reveal them myself. Although it is possible, I’ve personally learned that having someone well-versed in holding presence with the body co-create a container for my inquiries empowers my ability to become aware of what’s been below the surface. Essentially, it supports the transition from gel to fluid, from stuck to moving, from dissociation to presence. And through presence you can create new ways of being more apt to meet the moment you’re living now with grace and love. Allowing the freezing and thawing and freezing and thawing without resistance.

Erotic Self Love

31/1/2025

I struggled with yeast infections from the time I was 7 years old. I remember when my mom put that cold cream on my vulva. It always made me feel like I had to pee but I wasn’t supposed to because then I’d wipe the cream off. When I became sexually active as a teenager, they got much worse and appeared more frequently. Into my 20’s I tried everything under the sun – changing my diet, wearing white cotton underwear, changing to a milder soap, putting garlic cloves or yogurt or probiotic capsules in my vagina, washing my underwear by hand, taking oral probiotics, using condoms during sex…or not. The exasperation was overwhelming. The red itchy sensations and sticky white discharge were mild compared to my agitation and questioning if I’d ever be able to have sex without worrying I’d get an infection within a few days and then have to abstain for weeks from this particular kind of pleasure. I had a sense that the root was energetic. So, I began seeing energy workers and doing ovarian breathwork to move whatever was stuck…still hung up on needing to fix this awful problem. Once a holistic gynecologist did a test and told me I had no energy flowing to my gentials! WTF…I am a very erotic being! What is blocking me from sexual freedom and a free flow of erotic energy through my whole body? So I tried a Chinese Medicine herbal wash and pelvic steaming, which helped me manage the symptoms but did not prevent infections…so I made peace with the belief that I’d live the rest of my life with this issue.
Finally, from a place of surrender I’ve never felt before, something slackened. A shift in will occurred that seemed subtle in the moment but whose reverberating results I couldn’t possibly have prepared for. I stopped making decisions based on traditional or common knowledge and am open on a cellular level to receive guidance. Even though I’d been talking about listening to the body and what it authentically desires and noticing the results of decisions you make around diet, exercise, etc, it had remained primarily in the realm of theory until I actually let go. I began communicating with guidance – angels, archangels, microbes, masters, ascendant masters, cellular fairies, goddesses… offering gratitude and humbly asking for clarity and discernment. Until then I still wanted to hold onto control. I didn’t want my life to be too messy or complicated, which was a hilarious contradiction to choosing a Tantric path! Once I began to attune to the subtler cues of what my whole being is actually resonating with right now – food, movement, people, places, etc. – I could feel a difference in the tone of everything. Certain things resonate with the tone of what I need at this moment and others don’t. Some things that resonate right now will not in 2 hours or maybe ever again…it is indeed a surrender to be with what is exactly as it is right now.
And, this is erotic self love...an approach to life where I listen to the erotic energy in my system (now including an innumerable amount of etheric beings combined with a kinesthetic sense of tones) and how it responds to the myriad of possibilities of how to explore this experience of being human. The more I cultivate the willingness to meet what is right now, the more love and life force energy flow...including my field in the pathways receptive to dance with divine currents.

Listening to the cues right now, I am choosing to devote February to cultivating a completely new relationship with my yonih through touch, adoration and attentiveness.

Contact Improvisation Dance & Intimacy with Life

26/11/2024

Contact Improvisation Dance has again and again offered me an experiential cauldron to embody new pathways. As movement patterns are a reflection of neural pathways, moving in unique, spontaneous and even chaotic forms shifts habitual ways of being in daily life. Some of the most fundamental understandings of how to dance intimately with life in a state of open-hearted surrender have been transmitted through CI and include:
I can lead and I can follow. And, there’s a third option – the juiciest dances emerge…formless and form seamlessly flowing from cellular consciousness.
I have a right to have intimate connection with everyone, not exclusively with romantic partners. This was radical for me early on but I leaned in because something deep in me recognized how intimacy with divine love demonstrates no boundaries of presence and love.
Repeatedly returning to presence in the body offers spaciousness and ease in the mind.
Attention to the minutia – slowing down and practicing small, simple movements with full bodied presence opens an entire realm of possibilities when you release practice and allow free form. This is what we refer to in Tantra as Tapas and Spanda…you devote yourself to a specific practice or “restriction” for a certain period of time and by keeping out what you don’t want and focusing on something very specific, a spark within can occur that liberates energy.
Grazing and lingering – sometimes short interactions offer exactly what you need to create new possibilities and sometimes lingering in a dance provides a platform for curiosity to have full reign. This reflects what I’ve realized in all kinds of relationships. Sometimes a short engagement is enough to reframe a paradigm and sometimes we need to stay with a person for an extended period because the dynamic offers a prolonged experiment and growth for both.
Be with what is – CI is one of the only communities I’ve found where showing up authentically is held differently than normal social interactions. If you need to lie on the side and snuggle or simply witness or you feel a primal need to rough house or a tenderness that seeks the slowest touch possible – you can explore whatever is arising because the entire practice is in meeting your partner where they are at this exact moment.
Adaptability and resilience – spontaneity can feel overwhelming in daily life, especially if you grew up like I did where productivity and planning are paramount. CI offers a way to embody surrender in a safe space. Surrender in this sense is truly being with what is as it is and having the body-mind capacity to meet that rather than resist it.

Love, Commitment & Freedom

13/11/2024

In relationship
In intimacy
In every moment
I choose to be free

Accepting what is
In the perceived other and in me
Acknowledges the ever-evolving web
That encompasses all
And possesses nothing

Together we dance
To a unique yet resonant rhythm
Stoking desire to experience authentically now
Seeking neither validation nor love

Love and freedom cannot exist independently
The commitment is to Love
Which is inherently harmonic
Needing nothing to emanate its full potency

As paths converge and diverge
I honor the devotion to Love
And envelop my beloveds
In a spaciousness beyond understanding
A surrender beyond reason
A love surpassing boundaries of right and wrong